The title of this entry is sort of ironic. It's exaclty what I WISH this entry could be, but instead, it's the opposite. I'm a person that likes a plan. I'm not buying anything baby related until I know the sex. I'm already looking into different parenting styles/techniquies/methods/tricks so that I can have some ideas on how to handle certain situations.
I have been told that kids are incredibly unpredictable in some ways - and that no matter what I try to map out and pin down as far as parenting, the kid will inevitably throw it off track somehow. And that kind of freaks me out.
We are both hoping that the person growing inside of me will have the same passion for music we have - and we plan on helping pass that along by playing music often (even to the baby in the womb), and just making sure our love for music is easily visible.
We've discussed using fruit in kind of a funny way - like, "clean your room or you won't get an apple after dinner!" - but the more I think about it the more I think that using food, no matter what kind, as a reward may not be the best idea.
So how do you know where to start? How do you make a plan to acheive the goals you have for yourself as a parent and for your child as the person you hope they will become? Obviously we can't (and wouldn't want to) pick and choose all the characteristics and interests of our child. But we do want him or her to have good values, and to be a loving and caring person, and to not be afraid of things. We want a kid who eats food that is good for him or her (my parents couldn't quite pass that one along to me, unfortunately - my nutrients are coming from vitamins and V8 right now). We want a kid who loves music and sports and academics and tries it all and maybe even finds something specific in each of those areas he or she excels at and enjoys. We want a kid who respects us enough to do what we say without too much of a fight, but who knows they can always come talk to us about anything. I want a kid who understands compromise and negotiation - because I love when everyone wins a little.
I wish I knew how to set a plan in order to reach these goals. I'm not even sure where to start - I mean, how do you pass along values like that to a baby you've just brought home from the hospital? It's got to be a thing they just learn over time by seeing us set the example, and by us rewarding and disciplining in ways that encourage those things. Which means we've got to be on our BEST behavior, and frankly, that's terrifying.
Some tiny person is going to be looking to ME to know how to do things, how to handle situations. I guess I should start hanging my laundry up when it comes out of the dryer instead of letting it lay around in piles until I wear it. I guess I should start cooking most nights, even when I don't feel like it, because it shows better health choices and better financial choices. I guess I should learn to like some vegetables - or least learn how to pretend I like them long enough to get my kid to like them. I guess at parties, even if we've got the most responsible babysitter in the world, I shouldn't have more than a couple small drinks - because what it my child ends up in the hospital and we have to drive there, or what if he or she is at a friend's house and just wants to come home in the middle of the night like I remember doing a few times?
Parenting seems like the biggest, scariest thing in the world and I wish I knew where to start. I wish I knew HOW I could be sure to pass along those good things and hold back the bad things as long as possible. I doubt there are any real answers out there, and I know I will fail at times. But I hope I don't fail at the really important stuff - the stuff that makes my kid end up being a good person who loves other people and does the right thing. That's the singular thing that will make me a successful parent.
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