I'm starting to get all kinds of little worries and concerns as I've passed my halfway mark and the reality of, "We're going to have a baby" is more and more pressing.
1. What is parenting going to do to our relationship?
- Will we honestly take the time to understand where the other person is coming from and try to put ourselves in their shoes during a disagreement?
- Will we make time to focus on us, meaning date nights, talking about something OTHER than the baby and work, and making sure we spend time with our friends as a couple without boring them about parent stuff?
- Will our sex life disappear, and will he resent me for it? And how is it even possible to feel sexy after working all day, trying to get the house relatively clean and then cleaning up baby goo all evening?
- Will the financial, emotional, mental and physical stress make us irritable and moody and not want to be around each other?
- I have this innate "I can do it myself" complex that I believe not only runs in my family, but may also have something to do with (mostly) being an only child. ((sidenote: I have a half-brother who didn't live with us but for a few years)). So when I can't do it all myself, how will I react?
- Similar to the above worry, I do NOT like asking for or accepting help. What's worse than that though, is receiving unsolicited advice, which I definitely see coming from family members (our mothers) - who will have the best of intentions - but will irritate me to no end with their "help" and "advice". What if I blow up at them?
- I honestly think that I will have a complete and total break-down if someone comes over to visit and the house is not straightened up, relatively clean and smelling nice. I know I'm nuts, but it's something that's genuinely very important to me. How in the world am I supposed to work (technically full-time but realistically I only work about 32-36 hours a week), be a loving girlfriend and mother, and keep the house in good-enough shape that if someone calls and wants to drop by, I don't freak out?
Those are just the tip of the iceberg. I've been doing a LOT of thinking and reading lately, and instead of finding practical solutions to all of these things, I just become more and more concerned and end up with more and more questions. By the way - I would NOT advise reading "Babyproofing Your Marriage". I thought it was going to be a really helpful, really great book but I'm about halfway through it and I feel that it's more of a she-woman-man-haters club that thinks all men are the same and all women are the same and that we as women have to trick the men into being who we want them to be. I could actually write an entire negative review on this book, and I think I might if I can make myself finish it. *stepping off soapbox now*
Anyway, other than all of that - things are actually going pretty well. I'm anxiously awaiting a couple items to arrive in time for Christmas, but everything else is purchased, wrapped, and under the tree. With absolutely no debt, which is a beautiful thing. We've done the bulk of the registry and I just have some online things left to do as far as research and choosing brands and things. My goal as soon as the holidays are over is to start clearing out as much room as we can not only in the baby's room, but in other spare closets and areas too, because if I know our family and friends, we will need all the room we can make for shower gifts.
Which brings me to how blessed I feel right now. Even though becoming pregnant was not in MY plan or in SCOTT'S plan, it was in THE plan and we are surrounded by wonderful loving and supportive people who only want the best for us and our little gift, but who are willing to do whatever they can to assure we have it. She is already so loved by so many people, and I can only imagine what a happy baby and child she will surely be getting to bond with so many amazing people. Maybe this time of year makes me sappy, or maybe it's hormones - but I am undoubtedly the luckiest girl in the world.
